My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
