the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
