he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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