I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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