your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
