Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
