I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he fucked my hip out of place.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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