You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
