Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
