we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
