Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
