yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
