you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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