Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
