I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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