please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
