Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
