my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
