Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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