Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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