so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
