Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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