Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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