Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
