Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
