I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
