I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
