I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think a kid would responsible me up
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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