do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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