Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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