I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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