And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im six kinds of drunk right now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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