Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
