Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
