Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
