let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
