His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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