i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
