Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
