and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
