ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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