he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
