Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
