How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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