On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
