This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
