I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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