I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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