Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
