So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
