I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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