hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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